Notes for my endgame

This was written 18 hours before in Bangalore, being posted from Om Beach, Gokarna.

Well, this is pathetic. I'm just about to leave for another trip, can you believe it, to Gokarna, starting in 15 mins, to finish up the unfinished business, and there's not one post in my blog since that. That settles it (hopefully). And, every friend of mine with whom I have had philosophical quarrel seems to be living outside Bangalore, atleast at the moment, so this is possibly the best medium to hold arbit conversations now. So, here I go.

I have been reading Tuesdays with Morrie (I seem to read it less and less everyday, reluctant of having to finish it), which evokes basic questions on what our priorities in life should be. That, and the premature death of a teammate, has gotten me wondering how different my life will be if I knew when I'm gonna die. (Well, tells me that I have time till May 2, 2054, but that's so long away that it tends to infinity.)

I don't think I can compress my life - it's sure to get lossy. Since experiences can't be compressed, I should probably try to be selective in what I want from life. I should indulge, create, diversify. I would want to keep doing the things in life that I like the most (travelling, reading, writing, musicing, programming) and not want to do any of the stuff that I don't (corporate games (?!), some other programming). Maybe some other stuff would get added to the ToDo: Write a book? Teach? Atleast help a kid with homework?

But there could be constraints that can knock stuff off the list. In fact, most probably, there would be. In terms of how much my body can take. Maybe even financially. But surely, there will be stuff I can do.

Right now I have no clue on my life a couple of years from now. Will knowing it make it any less interesting? Will life, being a journey, cease to be attractive once the destination gets in sight, the same way as a book's tempo wanes as it approaches the end? Well, one interesting part with death is nobody knows what happens after that. Doesn't that make it extremely interesting?

How about living life in quanta? If we can look ahead only so much in our lives, does it make it any better if we live it as if we live only as far as we look ahead? We would be doing only the things we like, and we would be living for the present, with your own custom granularity for 'present'.

That was heavy. Especially because I've got no time to pepper it with lighter Wodehousian stuff, as I always like to do (Shanthi's on her way to pick me up already). Shit! So when I don't have time, I don't do the things I like to do, huh?

1 comment: